Response Required

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Jeffrey Campbell Nirvana boot via Nasty Gal

First…

Photo on 11-22-13 at 9.49 PM #2

*sigh*

So one night while I was internet browsing while angry (around the same night I bought those dresses I mentioned in the last post), I decided to pull up the shoe section at Nasty Gal because it’s always great for a giggle.  Anyway, I get to the shoe section and am hit in the face with this Timberland Tannenbaum boot whose sole was unfortunate enough to fall into a puddle of growth hormone. This is the shoe version of an anime character’s face; just disproportionate as all hell.

I’m sure your favorite 90′s NY rapper is somewhere weeping softly because a part of his street cred has been turned into this Spice Girl-esque specimen. I would be too. I blame Stella McCartney and the resurgence in popularity of shoes from 20 years ago for this shit. Some things just shouldn’t go together. Like fish and cheese. Or  Deion Sanders and a rap career.

All that aside, I think I’m most upset about the name chosen for the boot. Nirvana.  Really?  In what world does one associate this with a higher plane or Kurt Cobain? I didn’t mean to make that rhyme, I swear. Maybe I’m missing something, so I’m turning to you all:

WHY ARE THESE BOOTS CALLED ‘NIRVANA’?

a – These are the only shoes tough enough to wear on the rough way to enlightenment

b – Courtney Love was somewhere being petty as hell

c – The name was drawn from a fishbowl among others like Sriracha, Tampico, and Foxxxxy

d – Choose your own adventure

 

I used to do these a lot a little while back.  More shit-talky here.

Fashion Sweatshirt

Sometimes I can’t take fashun seriously.   When I realized that “I’m just gonna chill at home” clothing had become street style/fashion week fashionable, I could do nothing more than roll my eyes and wonder how many designers had taken well advantage of the situation by charging upwards of $100 for something that probably cost $2.34 to make.

(the answer is several)

I dig the lazy, comfortable look as much as the next mom/tomboy (momboy?  Can we make that a thing?  Let’s make that a thing), but COME THE FUCK ON.

I balked when I saw this one for $70, but that pales in comparison to the Saint Laurent Paris offering.  Can we talk about this $675 SLP sweatshirt for a second? Because I have questions…

Did Hanes go out of business?  Are fashion people unaware that this exists for $15 in nearly every Target everywhere?  They probably aren’t trimmed in grosgrain ribbon, but that looks weird anyway.  Is it the V patch in the front?  We’re paying Louboutin prices for V patches on plain cotton fleece sweatshirts?  You can find that at screen printing & embroidery shops.  See?  NOT $675.  Not even $100.

Knowledge is power.

**UPDATE: For a reasonably priced, non Pr0-Club option, check out Everlane’s selection**

 

 

Response Required

I think Yoko Ono is either trolling the fashion world or trying to kill me softly with her men’s collection for Opening Ceremony.  With each successive scroll down the page, item after item after item brings me closer to calling upon Francis Conroy as the Dark Angel to come and collect my soul.  Maybe this is her way of spreading holiday cheer to the world by way of WTFs.  Maybe.

Each of these items was once a humble 40 year old line drawing that, in decades past, was meant for John Lennon to wear.  And since it IS the season of giving (and because I haven’t done one of these in a dog’s age), I have one question for the group:

What would you be most delighted to serve up under your tree / menorah / kinara / Festivus pole for your favorite man?

A: assless pants

B: mesh shirt with shoulder cutouts + fondle-me flat front trousers

C: light bulb bra

D: ball butt hoodie

E: jock strap with LED light

Don’t be shy, people.  I won’t tell your love muffins a thing.

 

Response Required + Contest!

In a recent Twitter rant, I briefly alluded to my hate for the current state of shoes.  While I think it’s great that lady pumps are back en vogue – I LOVE that lady pumps are back en vogue – that ray of light is eclipsed by the existence of the following:

HEELED.JELLIES.

Rubber jellies.  With glitter.  With a heel.  EXACTLY like the ones you wanted to get in 1992, but your mom wouldn’t let you because you were too young to wear heels and you would soon be asking to wear lipstick and nail polish and would turn into one of those fast girls.  Those same ones that turn that sick shade of yellow when you wore them too much.

THOSE.  THOSE JELLIES.  WITH A HEEL.

Remember the last post…where I was talking about the YSLs…I had NO IDEA that jellies were being reissued.  I also had no idea that they would be sold out at Topshop.

These are SOLD OUT AT TOPSHOP.

Someone is going to have to talk me off of a ledge here because I cannot imagine why anyone over the age of 8 would want to buy and wear these shoes.  Key word in that last sentence is WEAR.  And since I am completely biased, I need one of you all to make me see the light.

What outfit would you wear with these that would make them appropriate for adults? 

Be creative.  There is a prize involved.  No, seriously.  Something from the etsy store to the person who builds the best outfit around these shoes.

Heaven, I need a hug.  You have until Friday.

THE WINNER:  GFS!!!  I’ll be emailing you soon, girlie.  Thank you to everyone for participating.  =D

 

For more sartorial side-eye (and hilarious commentary) go here.