Picture via this site.

It just dawned on me that this blog is 2 years old (tomorrow…I think…don’t feel like checking…and I suck at dates).

** UPDATE: Ok, I checked.  Turns out it was August 12th…yeaaaaaaaaaaah. **

Anyway, to “celebrate” I’m going to do a Question & Answer post.

Fire away.

Following is a snippet of a conversation between dudeguy and I regarding an article I read this weekend.  The idea of minimalism and paring down possessions is a fascinating and motivating topic for me and everytime I read a piece on the subject and share the info with my consort, the response is usually an eye-roll + heavy sign, a “you’re cleaning out your closet again, arent you?” or something to that effect. 

“Babe, I was reading an article online about a couple that went from living in a two-bedroom apartment with two cars to a shoebox apartment, no cars, and they managed to clear $30,000 in debt!  In three years!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.  This woman managed to get all of her posessions down to 100 thi…”

“She has too much stuff.”

“But she only has 100 things…clothes included…”

“TOO MUCH!  Half a sandwich and three sheets of toilet paper are all you need.”

“…”

“And if your belly is full, you don’t really need that half a sandwich.”

“But what about the next day?”

“Well, you’re gonna have to find another three sheets of toilet paper.” 

I’m still not sure how serious he was when he said this.  Given his love for Woody Guthrie and the hobo-life, I’m not really sure I want to know.

It’s STORYTIME!!!!

Back in high school, I ran with a pack of girls collectively known as VIP.  Admittedly, I was the shy, slow-developing one in the group…late blooming among the girls who wore heels to school (which, my loves under 19, was NOT standard practice as many a blog would have you believe) gave me a wee bit of a complex, but I was glad I got to hang out and do cool ish.  We had many an adventure together.  This is one of them.

For a very brief time one summer after graduation,  a group of my friends and I used to be backup dancers for a drag queen who went by the name of Princess Brianna.  We had rehearsals in an apartment complex rec room and there was a lot of loud music and Victoria’s Secret body mist spray-down sessions.  Princess B told me that if you spray yourself all over first, the air will be perfumed when you start to sweat.  I still believe it to this day.

Since Princess B didn’t play, we practiced for hours a day several days a week.  My dad ended up questioning me about the man was I was spending so much time with…understandable because I was 16 at the time and only spoke vaguely about “Charles” while running in or out of the house.  He insisted on meeting this mystery man to find out what I was up to.  Charles came by one night after we finished practice wearing workout clothes and lip gloss.  After they met, dad didn’t ask about it anymore.

——-

Since VIP had a very high “hood fly” standard (and again, because Princess B didn’t play) all the girls had to get 20″ weaves.  This was my first one and after it was sewn in, YOU COULDN’T TELL ME SHIT.  Nope.  No matter how ridiculous I was looking, I thought I was the hotness (*imaginary hair flip*).  Even when I went to take my college ID picture in a wife beater, sports bra, overalls, and blue chucks, my extended yaki was on point:

The fresh face of youth…and yaki…circa 2000.  This is the best ID picture I have ever taken.  Oh, and FIGHT ON!!

——-

We practiced and practiced until the night of the performance.  When we got to the location, I was extremely nervous, but calmed down after I realized this was going to be more organized battle dancing than stage show.  A group would perform in the middle of the club with the crowd surrounding and said crowd would cheer or heckle.  The festivities were hosted by Ebony Lane seen here:

W.E.R.K!

Once I saw the competition, I knew we were going to be the favorites of the evening.  After watching a queen performing Brandy’s “Angel in Disguise” with two large dudes with taco meat chest hair, gimp masks and wings strapped on their backs, Ms. Lane told us it was our time to go up.  We assembled on the floor and did our THANG to a medley of Lil’ Kim songs.  The first part was set to the unreleased “Nobody Does It Better” and I am really sad that I don’t have video evidence of it. 

We all wore bleached, ripped jeans or short shorts, cut wife beaters, water bras, and K-Swiss (I’m from Los Angeles…don’t judge).  Princess Brianna, who was “Lil’ Kim” and lip syncing FOR HER LIFE had a blonde curly wig with blue ends.  We looked a LOT like the 2:40 mark of this video:

I miss this Kim.  The one with a normal nose who was best friends with Mary J. Blige and Missy.  COME BACK, KIM!!!

Now that my memory is all nice and greased, the last part of the video and a lot of pelvic thrusting was essentially the end of our performance.  It was great.  Really.  I can still remember the choreo and in my mind’s eye, it was brilliant.

*longing stare into space*

The crowd was hype and threw a lot of $1 bills at us.  We spent it all on Denny’s later that night.

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If you’re new around these parts and made it to the end of this story, you are a saint.  I bid you all good tidings and invite you to say hey via the twitter or just hang around these parts for a while.  =D

Via The Story of Cosmetics.  More videos about more stuff are on The Story of Stuff website.

This and Food, Inc. have me on the cusp of an entire shift in what I buy to put in and on my body.  I’m all for going green and carbon footprint reduction in terms of slowing environmental wreckage, but this, THIS provides an entirely different motive.  Learning that the ingreedients in products and food (produced by SELF-POLICING industries) could be responsible for the rising incidences in cancer, illnesses, and disorders  has BLOWN my mind…and scared the shit out of me.

Thoughts?

UPDATE: Here are some links provided by Lady World for your consideration.  Let’s be proactive (from our desks) people!!!

• Search products and their toxicity levels at the Campaign for Safe Cosmetic’s  Skin Deep Database.
• Sign the petition for the FDA to ban lead in cosmetics.
• Read about the Safe Cosmetics Act of 2010.

Thank you, Lady World!

H&M shirt
Rossmore necklace
vintage deadstock harem pants
Nine West shoes

I really, REALLY needed a haircut. 

——-

After organizing my closet for the 19th time, I realized that I needed shirts.  I also realized that I did, in fact, own sandals prior to this year.  I bought these black cutout joints during the spending binge of 2008 (more specifically, the shoe binge of September).  As I recall, this was when I learned that Amazon sold shoes for great prices (and they still do – always check there if you’re looking at shoes online). 

The pants don’t really come with a story and were last seen here.

So yeah, I realized that I needed shirts.  Since I can no longer rely on Hoodwill to fulfill my needs, I’m forced to explore other options…that are full of bright lights, too many stores, and even more people…ugh. 

I got this shirt at H&M after trudging through Skynet’s Culver City headquarters Forever 21 in the Fox Hills Mall (which I’m pretty sure is no longer called the Fox Hills Mall…damn developers) trying to find that shirt I mentioned.  After my fruitless bouts with their website, I thought I might have better luck in a physical store.  Apparently, the news of 4 level department store-esque openings completely missed me because I thought I would be able to run in, find what I was looking for, and run out. 

Yeah, no. 

That didn’t happen.  In fact, it took me an hour and a half to canvas the store.  And you know what?  I didn’t find what I was looking for.  Even worse?  I didn’t find anything else I liked.  ANYTHING.  I went in looking for one specific shirt and any others that would be comfortable for summer wear.  By the time I’d made it to the dressing room, I’d found one shirt and three skirts.  I don’t wear skirts enough to even justify having this many in my hand, but I wanted to believe that I hadn’t completely wasted my time.  So much for that.

You want to know what my main problem with F21 is?  The reason why I can hardly ever find something I like?  They overwork every.damn.thing.  I passed up countless items that could have been cute if it weren’t for the fringe / plastic studs / rhinestones / grommets / odd trims / rosettes / sequins / pleating / frayed edges / whiskering / appliqués all over them.  I’m convinced that there is no version of Tim Gunn in that company telling the designers to EDIT.  I would have bought that breton striped 3/4 sleeved henley, but the distressed front and ruching really weren’t up my alley.  Thanks for getting my hopes up.  Jerks.   

Another problem I have is that the stuff on the website is full of lies.  Sure, it photographs REALLY well, but when you touch it, it’s awful.  For instance, I came across a skirt I saw on the site and said, “Oh!  This was on the site!  So cute!”  When I went to pick it up and examine the tag, I was scratched half to death by some rigid mesh that’s probably used to coop miniature chickens - pretty sure I don’t want that anywhere near my skin.  And stabby mesh isn’t the only offender.  Most often, the fabric itself is either too thin, too flimsy, too itchy, too stiff, or too blech.  Fabric that you know would either discolor or fall apart if you started to sweat just a little bit or washed it in warm water.  Granted, they’re doing a little better with Twelve by Twelve than the main line, but I’m not going for it.  They use better fabrics…like silk…which shouldn’t have taken this long given all the “Made in China” tags I saw…but one silk shirt for every 214 poly/rayon ones is not doing it for me.  At all. 

So, an hour and a half later, I’m in the dressing room with one shirt and three skirts.  The shirt I kinda liked.  It was sitting in my cart online, so I was excited to be able to try it on in the store.  I almost bought it, but the ruching at the bottom killed its prospects.  Next came the skirts.  One was too short, one made me look like a cupcake (its volume came by way of two layers of the aforementioned stabby mesh), and the fabric on the third one sucked.  I was 0 for 4 after an hour and a half.  Not a good feeling, my friends.  Not.  Good.

I’d almost left the mall before I realized that I shouldn’t be handing over my money to Skynet and that this experience was necessary to remind me why.  Thanking the Flying Spaghetti Monster for showing me the error of my ways, I headed next door to the lesser-evil H&M where I knew I’d be able to get an inexpensive, simple shirt in a cut I would like made from cotton.  And I did.  $5 well spent. 

This picture visually represents the happiness I felt when I found this shirt. 

Even better, they also had a breton striped 3/4 sleeved henley…and it was nice and simple, just how I like them.  I bought that, too.

Today, I was outside my building waiting to meet someone to hand over a dress (will explain much, much later).  As I’m standing and waiting for my point person to appear, a man walking by wearing earbuds that may or may not have been attached to a device stops in front of me.  I figured he might be my point person.  He pulls out one of the earbuds and a conversation ensues.  I quickly realize that he was NOT my point person. 

Following is our full coversation to the best of my memory.  The portions in all caps indicate the points where he was yelling.  Actually yelling.

——-

“HEY!  WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?!”

“I cut it off.”

“OH MAN.  WHY’D YOU DO THAT?”

“I was bored”

“So…do you work around here?”

“Yeah.  In there.” (points to building behind me)

“Can I get a job?”

“Probably not.  They aren’t hiring.  In fact we had to lay off some people.”

“Well, my name’s CHRIS.”

“Nice to meet you, Chris.”

– At this point, I rub my head from back to front.  This is the official sign for “get me the fuck out of here; this man is  crazy.”  No one sees me and my point person is not yet in sight.  I cry a little on the inside. –

“Who did that?  EDDIE MURPHY?”

“Huh?”

He points to my tattoo.

” The Golden Child!  Eddie Murphy, right?”

“Ohhhhhhhh.  No, this was my dad’s nickname for me.”  (at this point, I realized that my lack of hair probably wasn’t helping my argument…)

“Oh, ok.  Well, I’m out right now.  Taking a walk.  At least I’m outside.”

“Yeah…it’s a nice day for a walk…not too hot.”

He walks away. 

I see a couple of coworkers/friends of mine walking into our building and plead with them to stay with me because the man who was just in front of me might come back.    They were both in the middle of eating, so they declined.  Jerks.  It was alright, though.  My point person showed up a few seconds later, the exchange was made, and I went back inside.    

——-

My friend Duckey says these kinds of interactions are my fault because I “engage the crazy.”  The way I see it, if I didn’t, I’d have fewer stories to tell.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I forgot to tell you guys about the time I was (not-really) swindled by an Indian fortune teller wearing a hot pink turban.  Yeah, that was interesting. 

Oh, and since Chris brought up the movie, here is one of my favorite scenes from The Golden Child:

I hope you’re all having a wonderful week.

I was flooding when this picture was taken so there isn’t a full length shot.   Some pants were made for wearing with flats…and I should probably stop buying things marked “petite.”

All of the clothes came from Hoodweezy:  Diane Von Furstenberg top, the blazer I always wear, Ralph Lauren pants.  Self-designed necklace.  Unseen are Steve Madden Melrow shoes…which did not come from Hoodweezy

I won’t lie.  I was kind of geeked when I realized that the whole outfit, sans shoes and necklace, came from the Goodwill (or Hoodwill, or Hoodweezy depending on where the store is located).  Although I’m normally a supporter of “getting your consumption on” at your local charity shop, I’m getting a but jaded with the whole experience.  It’s too damn crowded and whomever they put in charge of pricing has lost it; I got this DVF top for $2 in the same location where H&M shirts were being marked up to $10.  Seriously.  That isn’t a joke.  I went back this weekend in hopes of finding a couple of shirts that are appropriate for summer and found nothing.  NOTHING.  There were used Ikea shelves priced higher than they cost brand new and plenty of $30 dresses, though.   o_O

Lately, this is becoming more of the rule than the exception and I’m not quite sure how to handle it.  Going to Hoodwill used to be about the hunt; about finding great things among the racks at prices you’d want to brag about.  Now, it’s become more like shopping at a terribly merch’ed consignment store that doesn’t pay back the original owners.  Whack. 

I could go to Buffalo Exchange…but I don’t really like Buffalo Exchange… 

Where do I go nooooooooooooooooooow?   

——-

In other news, all I’ve been wanting to do is make necklaces.  The one here is still being tweaked, but I was way too excited about wearing it after working past midnight to put it all together.  I’ll post better pictures when it’s finished.

Yesterday at Trader Joe’s, dudeguy and I met a Jamaican Londoner who is a musician and speaks four languages.  Seemed cool.  I told him that my mom was a Jamaican Londoner.  He was delighted at this news.  He asked if I spoke ‘Jamaican.’  I do not.   

Dudeguy asked him about Jamaican moonshine rum.  He was vegan, so he couldn’t offer up any information.  They then started talking about how there isn’t a place that makes proper chips anywhere in Los Angeles and several other things that I stopped paying attention to.  After we’d gone beyond the 5 minutes of niceties grace period, I eased everyone along to the checkout stand.  It was there that he told us about how he met Marvin Gaye and Bob Marley on the same night, that the Illuminati killed Bob Marley and that someone from Jay Z’s camp was going to be next.

Welcome to my Sunday afternoons.

Lisa Frank bookmarks from circa 1991.  Whatchu know about that?

I found these tucked away in a copy of Suze Orman’s Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke.  I have no idea why or how they got there. 

One day, I’ll have to have a mini scavenger hunt for all the souveniers of my life in the early 1990’s.  I’ll report back. I’m sure it will be hilarious.

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And speaking of hilarious, have you entered the contest below?  A DRKGMTRY necklace is up for grabs and it’s super easy to enter.  You have until Sunday, so get on it!

*cue Sarah McLachlan’s “In the Arms of the Angel“*

Tobias (Toby) and Calliope (Callie)

Hi, I’m Alicia of Instant Vintage.  Will you be an angel and get these kittens out of my backyard?  Every year, their complete slut of a mother gets pregnant and has a litter – a litter that she is in no position to raise properly.  Often, these litters do not survive. 

Right now, two kittens are in dire need of your love and care.  You could be the one to save their little lives, ensuring that they do not trod the same path as their loose, disrespectful mother…I mean…she screws in my front yard…in the daytime!!! 

I’m sorry.   That last part didn’t need to be added in.  Just look at the pictures one more time.

Will you be an angel for Toby and Callie?  If so, please email me.  They could be given a second chance, thanks to you.  Please email me.  Right now. 

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Seriously though.  I’m trying to find these cuties a home…preferably together.  They’re pretty co-dependent. 

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks!