I’ll pretend that you all missed my rant on the Twitter about the following. If you didn’t, act surprised.
A Harlem resident named Andrew Lewis used the limitless capacity of his brain to design what is described as “an innovative, new, urban fashion accessory specifically designed for urban fashion consumers who prefer to wear oversized jeans, pants, and shorts well below the waistline.”
I’ll reserve comment on what that actually translates to.
The description (which is completely PRICELESS) goes on to talk about the merits and saleability of what is essentially a high-waisted man garter belt, or what I like to fondly refer to as “ass-spenders.”
OBSERVE:
I’d like to note that he is wearing a belt and ass-spenders together while sagging. In chonies.
There are also lines about amelioration of tension in regard to sagging pants, a chorus of “We Are The World” being sung by hoods and corporate types, and rainbows flying out of my ass.
When I first saw these, naturally I thought they were a joke. Unfortunately, shit got REALLY REAL SON when I saw that the Huffington Post had a story that was run on CNN about the offending ass-spenders. You should go watch that and come back.
Don’t worry…I’ll wait.
…
…
…
…
…
…
Ok, did you watch it? Great.
TIME FOR THE QUESTION:
In what setting would these be most appropriate to wear?
“Nowhere” is not an acceptable answer.
CONTEST: because I believe that good things should come from fuckery, the most creative and/or hilarious answer gets something free (your choice!) from the etsy store. That part will run until Monday night (no cutoff time…just get it in before Monday night). Make sure to include “count me in” at the end of your comment so I know you’d like to be considered.
Anyone else who wants to chime in for shits and giggles, take all the time you need.
40 Responses to “Response Required (+ contest)”
I don’t know who thought of this mess, but they need their azz whooped! I hope that this is just of laffs and nothing more. Even the fine-azz model needs his azz whooped for modeling them. Notice he’s not showing his face even he’s shame of this contraption. I would go on but I might say something that I might have to retract later
Go ahead and Count me in
.-= Tonia´s last blog ..Ornament Chandelier =-.
Running from the cops. No one wants to get caught from tripping over their own pants.
.-= STOP IT RIGHT NOW´s last blog ..PARTY TIME EXCELLENT =-.
With the tidy-whiteys: Amateur night at a gay strip club.
Without the tidy whiteys: A professional gay stripper
.-= I Am Your People´s last blog ..I’ve returned! =-.
“urban” wedding.
yo slacks got to sag, but yo mama don’t want to see yo undies.
Alicia Reply:
December 17th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
WHO THROWS THE GARTER? And WHOSE DO YOU THROW?
Best worn while doing hoot rat things with your friends lol…
Count me in!
Danni Reply:
December 20th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Oh my…I can’t even breath!! This right here is too funny lol
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by NolaDarling. NolaDarling said: RT @InnyVinny: NEW POST: response required…and there is a prize involved: http://www.innyvinny.com/2010/12/17/response-required-contest/ [...]
best worn at the black gay pride….in atlanta (first place i have lived and seen gay thugs…in this manner, now that i think about it…)
count me in this hilarity/recockulousness.
that is all.
Let’s say a guy goes on a date with this fly girl. She is FINE! Lips popping! Weave banging! Boobs swangin!
But this dude who is with her, has been hearing that this chick has been “around.”
He takes her to the Cheesecake Factory because…well…where else is he gonna take a fly girl?!?
They chat. He’s digging her. She’s diggng him. She comes over to his side of the table and wants to become friendly. He knows that he is wearing the “ass spenders” and also knows that they haven’t hit the market yet because his homeboy is still waiting on the patent. You can only buy them from the hoodboys. He figures if she starts getting touchy feely and she is taken aback by the new invention, then he knows that she hasn’t been “around” so to speak.
So, they chat…mostly about Lil Wayne getting outta jail…and she gets really close. She starts rubbing his legs…getting real friendly.
She goes in for the kill and she feels the top of the belt of the “ass spenders.” She pauses and says, “Oh…you sell these too! Let me show you mine!”
He jumps back because he realizes they are wearing matchng ass spenders and that SHE is really a HE!
They start boxing right there in the Cheese Cake Factory but both were careful not to damage the “ass spenders” because they would have to pay a fee to replace their inventory.
The girl/guy wins the fight. And the dude goes home defeated…”ass spenders” still intact.
The end.
COUNT ME IN!
(he he hehe he…I’m stupid)
In Jail…. don’t want to be caught with your pants round ya ankles…
Ohhh my word.. people from your country make me extremely sad. the only way to save this is by maybe making a rhinestone version.. ?
.-= florie´s last blog ..Cut&Swallow x BoxFresh x Sweaty Eskimo =-.
I take it brothers wearing these will be avoiding the urinals… count me in.
Count me in…
So this white wannabe is trying to look really badass tough, but he just can’t figure out how the real hard-core hoods keep their pants from falling off while they’re wearing them halfway down their cheeks. He couldn’t do his “authentic” gang signs while holding them up with one hand, either.
He found an online store that sold the ass-spenders, and thus the answer to successfully being truly badass. After all, what you look like is what you are, and he had practiced all the rest of his bad boy routines for months. After they were shipped to him in a plain brown wrapper, he got into his best hood threads, and went to get his badass on.
He had to take them off when he got arrested and processed into jail. He was caught trying to spray paint graffitti on a city bus – at a bus stop, with the driver still in it, but on break. The cops laughed at his boxers with the hearts on them, too.
(Yeah, I’m picking on wannabes.)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Count me in
I think the point of wearing them is so that you don’t have to pull up your pants. To be honest the sagging pants phenomena is outrageous. I see guys with belts on but their pants sag down below their ass. How do they stay there. Is there some garment the TV thug community hasn’t been talking about?
.-= Joy D.´s last blog ..Blogger Alert!- EatOnThiscom =-.
Perhaps it would be most appropriate worn at a gay-bashing event in Alabama?
OR if one were trying out as a back-up dancer for Cher, who would wear a studded version?
count me in of course
Touting for boy business outside the Piggly Wiggly on Route 46 Picture it “Shawdy wut yo name iz?” while sensuously rolling up his tee to reveal them. Someone’s getting bought fo’ sho.
Alicia Reply:
December 21st, 2010 at 4:58 pm
*DYING AT THIS*
This invention right here gives “quickie” a whole new meaning. Turn the drawers backwards and you don’t have to worry ’bout pulling ‘em down anymore. Get it and keep it moving.
Count this earring fanatic in.
The most appropriate place will be in jail so they will give the givers a harder time to pump that ass!! Just alil tease. lol don’t we all love alil tease.
I saw this shit on CNN. Unfortunately I cannot write what I want to, it wouldn’t be politically correct. Damn damn damn
.-= LL´s last blog ..Present Or Absent =-.
=D he can wear them to the ZOO!! that way any curious monkeys wont be able to remove his pant (or they wont be able to remove them easily!!) =D COUNT ME>>IN!!!
perfect for any man suffering from short-man syndrome. he can lengthen his pants, put on platforms, and get the girl.
count me in
.-= alexandra keller´s last blog ..today i made – tinsel wreaths =-.
These ass-spenders would be good for troublesome adolescents (13-16)…who still get their ass-whooped by their parents.
This crafty invention will allow their bottoms to always be ready for a spanking, as in they won’t have to pull down their pants. The ass-spenders will have their bottoms always exposed much to the delight of their fed-up parents.
The parents will allow the person in question to adjust the spenders as they please. By that, I mean that they will have the choice to show just a lil’ bit of butt or expose the whole thing. Exposing the whole thing, of course, means that their whole butt will be spanked. Therefore, little by little, these kids will start exposing less and less until their pants fit as they should. It is sort of like training. They will grow up to be mature adults with no undies showing.
P.S I do not support corporal punishment;)
Magda Reply:
December 19th, 2010 at 8:22 am
oh and count me in:)
.-= Magda´s last blog ..The beauty in nudity =-.
These would totally be appropriate to wear to a 1992 fight at the empty parking lot two blocks away from the school. If the kid is losing the fight, he can snatch off his “ass-spenders” and use them as a slingshot, nunchaku, or lasso. Game over.
(Count me in!)
Pants on your ass, pants on your ass, lookin like a fool wit yo’ pants in ass-spenders :-/
Count me in homie!
is it too late??…count me in!
umm I didnt get a chance to read the others so I hop Im not copying but maybe hes playing a ganster in a movie but suffers from Noassatall??…he can’t lose the part just because of his “condition”…my best shot:)
I know its to late, but thats ok because the image/knowledge that such an item has been brought into this world, has in fact, rendered me speechless. Speechless. Maybe we could hunt down that person from the image you had up a few weeks ago of the huge fro? Seems like somehow they belong together.
.-= jessica´s last blog ..Christmas Cheer- Where are you =-.
Can we give these to Lil Wayne? Then put a padlock on it? I’m tired of hearing about his little gremlins being harvested in wombs around the nation.
Count me in.
IN JAIL AS A BARGAINING CHIP! YOU’LL SEE CRACK FOR FREE, BUT TO SEE MY BALLS IT’S GONNA COST YOU MORE THAN INSTANT COFFEE AND A CHOCOLATE CUPCAKE!
Reposting comment I forgot to put Count me in!
With the tidy-whiteys: Amateur night at a gay strip club.
Without the tidy whiteys: A professional gay stripper
Count me in!
.-= I Am Your People´s last blog ..Going to a Christmas party Watch your purse =-.
Definitely not on the days one is suffering from stomach upset…hmmm I wonder what those would look like with thongs… count me in
IN JAIL AS A BARGAINING CHIP! YOU’LL SEE CRACK FOR FREE, BUT TO SEE MY BALLS IT’S GONNA COST YOU MORE THAN INSTANT COFFEE AND A CHOCOLATE CUPCAKE!
PS. That guy looks or maybe wants to look like NeYo
I have no wit to add to this otherwise entertaining post. But I will say this: “count me in!”
Live Love LA
.-= neekoh´s last blog ..lumberjill =-.
I’m completely confounded by the contraption & distracted by the pecs. (OOps!)
Count me in!!
.-= Nickie Frye´s last blog ..Winter White =-.
For the next ‘Thuggin’ Love’ video shoot, via Thugnificent
Alicia Reply:
January 3rd, 2011 at 1:33 pm
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!